Our Boots Are Made For Walkin’

 

Even the mere thought of winter sends a shiver down my spine. Seriously, what is with this arctic breeze that has settled over So Cal?!? I feel compelled to warn you that I find any temperature below 70 degrees completely unbearable and my incessant complaints of the frigid weather to anyone in my vicinity usually fall on deaf ears. Though I am grateful to be spared the nasty winter elements most people around the world experience, I can’t help but think, “Isn’t that why I got the hell out of the East Coast and fled to the Golden State?” Before moving West, shows like Real Housewives of Orange County beckoned me with the promise of brown leathery skin and natural bleached blonde highlights all at my fingertips with the minor inconvenience of 3,000 mile relocation. So is it too much to ask for this refugee to have a sun kissed tan and flip flops on year round?

As I type, my leopard print Snuggie (don’t knock it til you try it!) and striped Target mittens are mocking me and this is why, in my tacky ensemble, I find myself on the precipice of a very big decision…Has my aversion to all things cold gotten so unbearable that I need to take a cue from birds and head south? Cabo, Fiji and Hawaii all offer the option of spending 365 days with a permanent Pina Colada buzz and achieving my lifelong goal of having a tan that camouflages my freckles, moles and any other blemishes.

Even though the option of not having to shave my legs after every soul-shaking shiver sounds enticing, I need to be a responsible adult and carefully consider the feasibility of my pipe dream. Questions such as, can I afford sun-block year round on my budget? And more importantly will I be able to pull off the quintessential white chick in the tropics Bo Derek hair?

With so many unanswered questions surrounding this move it’s time to bust out my tried and true “pro’s and con’s” list. This little baby along with the added assurance of my Magic 8 Ball has guided me through all relationships, hair cuts and presidential elections since high school. Cross every crossable appendage that this list steers me towards the decision of hightailing it outta here and becoming a resident of the aforementioned locations for a lifetime of winterless winters!!!

Moving Pro’s (the undisputed benefits to never having to experience the icy clutches of winter again):

1. Shoveling snow… 

I despise walking from my car to the front door so the forced cardio of shoveling my car, house or self out of a snow pile will NEVER be missed. Plus when your shovel happens upon a patch of yellow snow it’s just gross.

2. Hat head…  

There hasn’t been occasion that I’ve willingly worn a hat since the 1984 Olympics, and that only happened because I was too young to know any better and took my fashion cues from my fanny pack wearing mom. Without the necessity to shield my cold little ears from the elements with a hair deflating beanie I will have full voluminous hair, hopefully…

3. Runny nose… 

As soon as the temperature drops so does my snot. For a good 4 months out of the year I have to deal with the vicious cycle of, #1) an uncontrollable runny nose, #2) a red chafed nose that is created from all the sniffling and wiping, #3) and lastly the subsequent boogers that get frozen in and around your nose if you aren’t quick to administer step 2.

4. Salted roads… 

Hell on shoes and tires. Plus the crunch of driving over chunks of salt is just annoying.

5.  Winter layer… 

The 10 lbs of survival insulation one must gain in order to safely make it through a winter. Admittedly there is a certain amount of guilt free Rene Zellweger type gluttony that comes with packing on the pounds, that goes right out the window once the snow melts and your butt does not.

6. Short days… 

After a long day at the salt mines nothing is more heartbreaking then tasting temporary freedom only to walk outside and find that the winter solstice has robbed you of experiencing daylight. Do not pass go, do not collect $200, admit defeat and head home for another night of The Office re-runs and Rice-a-Roni.

7. Pasty skin… 

Months of cloud cover and foul weather do nothing for my complexion. Seriously. Unlike Anne Hatheway and….vampires, I look sickly and gross with butt-white skin.

Moving Con’s (the perks that make suffering through winter TOTALLY worth it):

     1.  Boots… 

The timeless, buckled boot, falling just below the knee, is back for yet another run this fall/winter season, proving to all of us fashion fanatics that true style remains consistent, displaying qualities that are both effortless and classic. Throw on these boots for a marathon run through the mall, a girls night out for cocktails, or as a funky alternative to traditional work footwear, and rest assured that no matter the situation, true, definitive style makes statements that, like the boots themselves, last a lifetime. From the totally matchable mid-brown tones to the gold buckles, these boots have the ability to be dressed up or down – a quality that every fashion-hungry woman knows is both hard to find and imperative to a wardrobe. Find your very own pair at an unbeatable price at your favorite Newport Beach boutique.

 ‘Nuff said. No boots, no move. Without my wardrobe staple I would be like David Arquette without Cortney Cox, a hot mess! Good thing I have hoards of our boots to help me through the winter blues.